Just Call Me Paul
“A mentor empowers a person to see a possible future, and believe it can be obtained” – Shawn Hitchcock If it wasn’t for Paul, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities I currently am having now. I am wrestling for one of the most successful college programs in Division 3 and doing an internship in Washington D.C., where I am gaining first-hand experience in what it means to be a young professional. The impact Paul has had on me as a mentor will forever be something I am grateful for and should be something all kids who are struggling deserve to have. If you knew me in my wild and crazy teenage years, you would have never guessed that today I dream of wearing a badge and protecting my community. At the age of 13, I was ditching school, failing classes and getting suspended regularly. For New Year’s, I was invited to a party and, against my mother’s wishes, I went. I was one of the youngest kids, drinking vodka or tequila–can’t remember which one–and thinking I was cool. I ticked off the wrong person, got into a fight, and lost my front teeth. A few days later, Officer Paul Iovino, a Saint Paul police officer, called and told me that my mother reached out to him and she was worried about me. He offered to take me to lunch. My initial thought was that he was going to lecture me about my bad life choices and tell me that I was on the wrong path, a lecture I’ve had heard many times before. Instead, he took the time to get to understand me. At the first lunch, Officer Iovino told me to just call him Paul. I immediately felt more relaxed. After lunch, we agreed to stay in contact and meet every other week for lunch to talk about how I was doing. I began to feel comfortable and trust Paul even more when he started to tell me about his childhood. Like my family, his, too, went through difficult times financially in his hometown of Chicago. Both our parents worked countless jobs just to put a meal on the table and sometimes they were not around at all. Paul grew up in a difficult neighborhood where he too got into trouble in school and with the law. I remember him telling me that the people I was surrounding myself with weren’t bad people but they weren’t going to help me get ahead in life. Paul told me stories about his best friend in high school who is currently serving time for multiple offenses after getting into hard drugs. By the look in his eye, I could tell that it pained him. He said he wanted to be there to help people make better choices and be the mentor he wished he and his friend had around when they were growing up. I started to appreciate the effort that Paul was going through to build a relationship with me and I began to look forward to our meetings. Our conversations grew deeper and more varied as we talked of everything from religion, life and culture, politics, as well as my favorite, sports. After a few meetings with Paul, I started to get intrigued about the stories he talked about, including the travels he had done and the adventures that came with it. My favorite story of his travels is how he took a train throughout all of Europe and got to know other cultures. I started to envision myself going on similar trips and doing similar things. I knew from then on that if I didn’t change my ways, I would never be able to do any of those and experience them for myself. At first, nothing really changed. My group of friends remained the same and I could care less about my education or school. Slowly, over weeks and months, I started to focus more on school and joined two sports team once I got into high school. I joined the football team and made new friends. I also followed in my older brother’s footsteps and joined the wrestling team. Sports not only helped me focus on school but kept me active, especially during the cold Minnesota winter months. Whenever he could, Paul would show up and support me. It always felt good to have him there and even when I would lose close matches he would tell me to keep my head up and to keep working hard. When times would got tough and I needed someone to talk to, I would call Paul to keep him in the loop about what was going on in my life and ask for his advice when I needed it. His words of advice that always kept me going was “Understand that life is going to be difficult, you’ve experienced that first hand. If you let it knock you down now, it’s going to be harder to get back up. So, keep fighting to get back up and achieve your goals”. Paul could have given me this advice when we first met, but it wouldn’t have had the same impact. I know that he means what he says. Our bond of trust is what makes the relationship work and I know he truly wants to see me succeed.
Let’s Walk to Lower Blood Pressure and Build Bridges
The DC Tutoring & Mentoring Initiative is making steady progress in recruiting new volunteers and creating a public campaign to get a tutor or mentor for each of the 60,000+ students reading below grade level or with other academic or non-academic needs. However, progress is slower than we would like and we are committed to trying new approaches with the goal of making a greater impact. We believe that the sense of self-efficacy, teamwork and simple, deep joy in life we often get through walking, playing, running and exercising outdoors helps build the foundation we need for adults and young people alike to work enthusiastically and more successfully together. This blog post by DCTMI’s Lizzi Marin and our upcoming Neighborhood Field Days will begin our work to strengthen this dimension of our civic wellbeing. Stay tuned for more in coming weeks! Photo by Sergio Lopez “If you’re walking down the right path and you’re willing to keep walking, eventually you’ll make progress.” – Barack Obama “It’s just one foot in front of the other.” That’s what my father taught my sister and me about life and running. Whether it’s in standing up for a belief or running an extra mile, life and exercise are processes that are made up of steps. Naturally, the first step is always the hardest; it can often feel like a leap. And sometimes you have to walk, pace yourself before you can begin to run. Walking towards something can lead to positive change no matter how large or small the steps. Aside from physical benefits like lower blood pressure and generally better fitness, walking is a great way for people to improve their lives emotionally and socially. Personally, walking has become a great way to explore new places and take a break from the non-stop city life. After realizing how much time I spend sitting and indoors, walking to and from work has been part of my goal to move more during my day and to see more of my surroundings. Not only does walking lead to spending more time outside and moving, it can also be a shift in how we interact with our surroundings and communities. Incredibly, walking with other people also has social benefits like growth in self-confidence and building of community. Organizations like Teens Run DC (interview with our partner organization to come) and Girls on the Run-DC use exercising with others to develop a deeper sense of community. Both of these organizations combine mentoring with running to build confidence and promote goal setting. Kristen Komlosy, executive director for Girls on the Run-DC, has firsthand seen the value of exercise in mentoring. The young participants of Girls on the Run-DC learn how to accomplish goals in order to gain more confidence. They also become part of a special, close-knitted community as they work together to run a 5K, their final goal at the end of the program. As seen with Girls on the Run-DC, exercising together can serve as a way to bring people together to form relationships and communities. Walking together might seem inconsequential to the amount of work that is needed from each of us to address the barriers between others and ourselves, but it can be a beginning. Having survived two strokes and being diabetic, my grandfather, a stubborn old man who loves sweets and hates exercise, was reluctant to walk after his doctor recommended it, and I was reluctant to spend time with him. In my mind, our differences had always prevailed: we grew up in different countries, times, and cultures. After much coaxing from my parents, my grandfather and I began to walk together in the evenings. My grandfather and I were never really close; by walking together, however, we were able to move past those things and grow comfortable around each other. Even with our small, slow steps, my grandfather and I built a new bridge across generations and divisions. Photo used with permission Here at DC Tutoring & Mentoring Initiative, we fundamentally believe that walking and exercising together can lead to a better you and a better us. In the pursuit of creating a supportive, communal atmosphere, we want to begin a campaign Neighborhood Field Days where communities can come together for a day of inclusive outdoor activities that range from walking to sports. By providing a space of exercise and companionship, we hope to give you a place to flourish and grow while getting to know your community. Together, all the steps we take together can become miles. -Lizzi Marin
Spotlight: Jan’s Tutoring House
Jan’s Tutoring House www.janstutoringhouse.org Fueled by the belief that education is a shared responsibility and that students should be challenged to meet their full potential, Jan’s Tutoring House has been fostering positive character development in the District’s youth for twenty five years. Founded by political activist and public servant, Jan Eichhorn, in March of 1990, Jan’s Tutoring House originally operated under the name Friends of Tyler School, a reflection of the organization’s relationship with mentoring students at John Tyler Elementary School in Southeast DC. Eichhorn served JTH tirelessly as Executive Director until shortly before her death in 2009. Renamed posthumously in Eichhorn’s honor, Jan’s Tutoring House continues to provide one-on-one tutoring and mentoring services to DC’s inner-city youth. Operating almost entirely with volunteer help, tutors and mentors at JTH are paired to work with one child between the ages of 5-15, and must commit one night per week of tutoring for at least a year. Programs at Jan’s Tutoring House, which include after school tutoring as well as summer camps run by certified teachers and volunteers, foster important relationships between students and mentors, empowering and challenging youth while equipping them with skills and knowledge to accomplish goals. Youth in Mind Inc. www.youthinmindinc.com Youth in Mind Inc.’s (YIMI) mission is to educate, equip and encourage youth from age 7 to 17 in DC metropolitan area. YIMI was found in 2006, but the spirit of YIMI sprouted long before 2006, when 6 girls gathered around one day to have a tea party. It all began when the daughter of Joyce Perry, the founder of YIMI, invited some friends to celebrate her birthday. They brought jewelry and scarves and enjoyed a princess tea party of their own, liking it so much they decided to meet again the next year. In fact, the girls insisted that they should make a “princess club”; this was the beginning of YIMI and, as they say, the rest is history. Joyce Perry admits she had never imagined founding Youth in Mind would have been in her future. In fact, her original assumption was that the girls would stop meeting as they grew up. But the meetings fostered such a positive and empowering environment that an 8-year-old girl who attended the first birthday tea party is now in the 10th grade, serving as a youth leader for the organization. Most of Youth in Mind’s mentoring programs specifically target a female audience, but the organization recently launched a program called ‘Young Men of Valor’ to meet the needs of male students also wanting a community of empowerment. To YIMI, mentoring is about touching young lives based on an individual’s strengths and weaknesses. Leaders and mentors at YIMI are passionate about serving area youth and providing them opportunities to improve their lives and better equip them for their futures.
Thanksgiving 2016
Thank you to our organizational partners and to the people who have volunteered with us. Thank you for trusting us. Thank you for sharing your time, your imagination and vision. We hope that we can honor your trust. To family and friends, old and new, thanks for all your encouragement and support. To our “fellow travelers,” people who are taking risks to make a better world, doing their best to use their hearts and their minds, thank you for the inspiration of your examples. During the depths of the Civil War, President Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday in 1863. Let me use that as my excuse to reflect on another moment of his presidency: A few years earlier on his inauguration and on the eve of the war, he said: I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. (First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1861) How can we touch the better angels of our nature today? This is our fundamental challenge in the face of climate change, the rapid advance of job-disrupting automation, massive inequality, and our tattered civic fabric. We need to build the habits and skills of working together for shared purpose and the common good with compassion, wisdom, and a sense of fellowship if we are to thrive in coming decades. Positive change won’t happen by itself but it will if we work on practical civic projects that bring people together across race, class and ideology. This is the “moral equivalent of war” that William James wrote about in 1902. We are all more primitive than we realize. Psychologists and reflection on our own experience tell us that we are all driven to find a sense of higher purpose, to feel connected to people, to feel we are competent and contributing to our “tribes” while simultaneously craving independence and autonomy. Unfortunately, the pressures of the modern world too often lead us to compartmentalize these impulses and channel them into relatively meaningless, passive or counter-productive pursuits — work pays the bills but offers nothing more, buying stuff gives us a sense of forward motion and autonomy that we crave, part of the allure of travel is the sense of freedom and adventure that we avoid at home, and the obsession with social media “friends” too often substitutes for the meaningful relationships that we build working together for shared purposes “on the ground.” The DC Tutoring & Mentoring Initiative — http://dcTutorMentor.org — and the broader efforts of the Civic Leadership Project are intended to provide an alternative. DCTMI provides a purpose on which most all of us can agree, the opportunity to have an immediate and long-lasting impact and to be part of a wonderful community of people working to make a better world. I hope that you will consider getting involved in the DCTMI or similar projects in your community to “repair the world.” (If you’d like help starting a tutoring or mentoring initiative in your community, we’d be happy to work with you!) My wish is that we may all find the sense of love, support and security — those “bonds of affection again” — we need this Thanksgiving among our friends and family to take courageous strides in the coming year at work, at home and in our communities to make a better world and give wing to the better angels of our nature. Happy Thanksgiving!
David Brooks: Can People Change (and get more involved in their communities) after Middle Age?
We at DCTMI spend a good deal of time thinking about how to engage different demographic groups in our work to get a tutor or mentor for the 60,000+ students in DC who need extra help. In neighborhoods like Columbia Heights and NoMa, most people who sign up with us are in their 20s and 30s, but we also believe we can do much more to engage active retirees and older people who often have more time and more financial security than younger adults and whose life experiences have given them with an extra measure of generosity, patience and wisdom that young people need. This short article — https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/04/opinion/college-football-masculinty.html — by columnist David Brooks in the NY Times about two older Americans he met in Shreveport, Louisiana, captures some of the potential for engaging older Americans. DCTMI is also a proud partner of the Generation to Generation campaign (http://generationtogeneration.org), a national effort of Encore.org to inspire adults over 50 to make a positive difference in the lives of children and youth.
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